Sex and Mysteries
Lesbian Mysteries by Michele Fisher (Deneuve)

1. Why do our lovers get better looking and richer after they dump us?

2. Why do women wait until last call, or on the way to your car to tell you they have a lover?

3. Can you throw attitude if nobody is willing to catch it?

4. Where are all the rich lesbians?

5. Why do women get into celibacy after you move in with them?

6. How come dykes call every woman they ever dated, even once, an "ex"?

7. How about a really honest personal ad? "Enlightened, non-smoking, financially secure woman looking for same or will forego all of the above for a really cute lesbian."

8. Just how many of us have taken a woman`s studies class hoping to find a date?

9. When will the Music become the focus of a Women`s Music festival?

10. How come the lover who couldn`t dance becomes Paula Abdul when she leaves you?

11. Doesn`t S & M really mean "stand & model"?

12. Anybody else have a hard time figuring out that it`s over? (Last time I didn't have a clue until she started taking someone else to our couple's therapy sessions)

13. Ever notice that the more women you pack into a space the less chance that you will find a date there?

14. Remember when your bedroom didn`t have to look like an appliance warehouse for you to be thought of as good in bed?

15. Why hasn`t anybody found a sexier name for dental dams?

16. Wouldn`t it be great if we knew that the women we have slept with would never tell their future lovers what we were like in bed?

17. Has any good ever come from a drunken 3 a.m. call to an ex?

18. When will lesbians learn that you can`t keep an affair a secret if you take your new girlie to the town`s only gay bar?

19. When will dykes who ditch you stop using the insincere offer of friendship as a lovely parting gift?

20. Why is it that the same women who maul you in public won't touch you in private?

21. Why does our biggest fight of the year always have to occur during our vacation?

22. Isn`t that woman who is after you now the same one who wouldn't even talk to you when you were single?

23. How come you only run into your ex on laundry day or after a car wreck?

24. Now that so many stright women look gay, won`t lesbians who claim to be straight-acting be immediately recognizable as lesbians?

25. How come denial gets such a bad rap?

26. Does it mean we are commitment phobic just because we refuse to give her the spare house keys on the first date?

27. What is butch? Is the butch the one who hogs the remote control and flips channels non-stop?

28. Couldn`t you just die when you ask her what went wrong and she goes on and on?
.... or you ask her who she`s seeing now and she goes on and on?

29. Is there anything more heart wrenching than seeing an ex wearing something that you gave her while she is with another woman? (Even ten years after the breakup)

30. How many women who say they are in an open relationship have partners who know they are in an open relationship?

31. If you are planning any activity during which you do not want to be interrupted, feed the cat first.


Read the following statements & decide if each is true, false or you`d rather not say...

+ Tops are preferably either butch or femme

+ Being topped by a femme is a peak experience for a butch

+ Being topped by a butch is redundant

+ The taller woman is always the top

+ Good tops are hard to find

+ Good tops are hard to tie down

+ Topps is a brand of baseball cards

+ Bottoms up is a contradiction in terms

+ Being a dime a dozen, bottoms are very cost effective

+ It is not fair to switch in the middle

+ A switch is a woman equally skilled with both hands

+ A switch is a woman who has trouble making up her mind

+ Switches do not really need a partner